there’s this thing straight people do- and i swear almost every single one is guilty of it. you guys know it- where the moment they meet a gay guy, they immediately tell them about the other gay guy they know. their brother, their coworker, their childhood best friend, their cousin’s roommate’s dog walker. as if listing gay men like pokémon somehow proves their allyship and the gays will now part the seas for them.
Shellsea, Fish Hooks - Gay Icon
recently, i was reluctantly at a party well past my bedtime. one of the partygoers had been rallying me up all night, telling me about her gay friends back home. mind you, it’s three in the morning. homegirl is drunk, loud, and enthusiastic in that way only straight women get when they’re around a gay man they’ve decided to adopt.
and then she does it.
she facetimes her gbf.
yes. facetimes.
at three a.m.
*gbf=gay best friend
he answers- groggy, a little peeved but loyal. a true gbf.
and me, drunk and freshly joint‑kissed, tell him:
“your girl is doing that thing where she makes her gays meet and get lunch and then kiss, like she’s playing us as dolls in a ken’s beach house: NO barbies allowed.”
⋆
like… i get it. loving gay guys is fun. we’re awesome. but i can also see where my gay friend was coming from in his perspective on heated rivalry- see my article on twitter:
there’s a difference between loving gay people and collecting us.
anyway- her gbf and i ended up talking on facetime for like two hours. sure, he was my type. sure, i was his. yeah, we met in a crass way through a girl i’ll probably never speak to again. but it’s not the worst thing that happened to me. i followed him on instagram. unfollowed him later. we dm occasionally. life is silly.
but here’s the takeaway:
don’t introduce gay men like they’re tokens of your personality or proof of how woke you are.
if we wanted gay friends, we’d have them- and we do.
ask your boyfriend if he has gay friends.
bet you won’t love that answer.
lol i kid. i kid.
maybe one day romel by forty will have a husband, and then no one will feel the need to literally facetime their gbf for me like they’re offering tribute to the gay gods.
━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━
and not gonna lie: when i was 21 with my only serious boyfriend, the thought of marriage was terrifying. i had no idea who i was outside of the relationship. but now, nearing thirty, i’m stern in who i am. in my moral compass. in how i give love and how i best receive it. i’m ready to do it right.
and i don’t know… drunk girl at the bonfire who facetimed her gbf for me- i don’t know if you’re exactly hitch here.
get it? the will smith movie?
okay. well.
⋆
‘til next time, nerds.
thanks for reading.